The Doors That Lead Me Here

Major food-prep session!

I am tremendously grateful for these last couple of days to myself. I have really been able to invest this time fully immersing myself into researching and experimenting with the raw food lifestyle. I've learned so much! The difference between where I am today and where I was 48 hours ago is very dramatic. I am feeling much more confident about this, and I have a whole slew of recipes that I've tried, and am looking forward to trying. 

I love it!

I spent half of my day in the kitchen, and the other half online - watching videos and Googling answers to a lot of my questions. One of the things that has really been a blessing to me as I've started this journey is the foundation that I've been building on these last 12 years. I've experienced so much guilt over the years as I've just managed my health half-way, and only toyed with different health principles. Well, little did I know that I was just setting the foundation for myself for when I was ready.

And, miraculously, I am finally ready. So, all those years of slowly learning things and digesting new ideas, and trying extreme health regimens did not go to waste, and I wish I'd never spent a single moment feeling guilty or ashamed. One of the principles that I've really come to understand over the last couple of years is that you cannot shame, or hate, or abuse your way to loving yourself. It's just not possible.

This book has helped me so much.

I have been experiencing a slow, spiritual unravelling of the things that have been weighing on me for years, keeping me from true happiness. I mention this because this has been one of the things that has kept me from success in the past. I would be working on my food lifestyle and physical nutrition, and then I would get to the edge of this cliff, where all the sticky, caustic emotions were just swirling below me, ready to come escape, and it would just scare me to death.

I would quickly retreat back to the foods and the lifestyle that numbed me out, and kept those emotions and past experiences from coming too close to the surface. 

I'm sure that I will come to that same cliff again - over and over again - but now I feel confident that I have the emotional and spiritual tools to withstand them as they pass through me on their way out. It's all been a journey thus far, and it will continue to be.

Back to Food

LASAGNA!! Sooo good :)

Today I tried some pretty detailed recipes, but they really paid off. For dinner, I had a raw lasagna, trying the cashew cheese for the first time. The sauce called for equal parts sun dried tomatoes, and fresh tomatoes, and it was so delicious I could have eaten it by the spoonful. I couldn't believe how amazing this meal was. I'm considering freezing a slice for my husband to eat when he gets back, but we'll have to see about that. I may just have to eat it all myself :)

But I also feel like I've come full circle these last couple of days. Where I've really been trying to come up with great recipes that would take the sting out of the transition, now I'm really wanting to simplify. I want to focus on having more mono meals, and a lot less fat. This will take a lot of the work out of what I'm doing, and be much better for my digestion. 

I have to kind of change my definition of a meal in order to do this, though. I absolutely love to cook and to experiment and to blend flavors. There's still a place for that in my new lifestyle, but I will simply get burned out if I try that for every meal - or even every day, I think. I need to rely more on the trusty salad option, and fill up on platters of fruit. That's going to make my life much easier - and healthier. 

I'm so amazed and grateful that I've made it this far. I've struggled with food addiction for years, and I've simply walked away from all of those junk foods I was thriving on. I haven't had a single craving for sweets since I started this, which has been my drug-of-choice for a long time. I'm just in awe, and I'm so grateful. I'm sure there will many, many food crises in the future, but I'm really relieved that I haven't had to battle them so far. I got this!