I'm between moves, so I'm on the road for at least the next 10 days with most of my stuff in storage. This is going to be a challenge for my raw food fare, and I am curious to see how it will all pan out.
I feel pretty confident about what I need in order to be successful with this lifestyle, and the importance of each of those things was never more apparent than it was a couple weeks ago when I didn't have what I needed. Between the sprained foot, the travel, and my limited access to foods (and lots of access to the Food Network), it was a recipe for a disaster.
In fact, I did finally have a cooked meal at the end of all of that. I didn't give myself too much grief over it, but I also know that can be a slippery slope. One exception can lead to many. At this point, I really believe it's not as much about will power as it is preparation. If I am sure to make sure that I have everything that I need, then I don't have to fight cravings and temptations. If I run out of food, or only have access to things that I don't like, then I have to white knuckle it.
I finally had the cooked meal after a few days of weeping, wailing, and gnashing my teeth. It just wasn't worth it. Emotionally, I needed that release, and I'm okay with that.
Moving Forward
But now, here I am on the road, and I know that this is a difficult environment for me - more so because it's going to be such a long stint. I don't have my food prep tools, I can't get a lot of food at once, and the only car we have is a stick shift (which I can't drive), so I'm at the mercy of someone else to take me around to get what I need.
On the other hand, I'm eating raw, so it's not like I need a stove or anything. I can make a meal out of a bag of apples. That's easy. But emotionally, I can only eat so many bags of apples and carrots before my brain goes, "Wait a second... This isn't a meal! Abort! Abort!" So, I'm a little worried about these next several days.
Although, I will say that I have gotten my order down pact when I go to restaurants. I don't even look at the menu. I just say, "I'd like a salad of greens, sun-dried tomatoes, raw mushrooms, olives, avocado, artichoke hearts, and your vinaigrette dressing." The artichokes are a cheat, but boy does it make the whole thing so much more bearable.
I barely got through this most recent food crisis. It's been a rough week and it seemed I was being sabotaged from every angle. To make matters worse, I admit I spent a lot of time drooling over foods that I've sworn off for at least the next 6 months. By the time we hit the road to come home yesterday, and I had nothing but a bag of apples to snack on while my husband was feasting on some fragrant fried chicken, I was a mess.
When my husband stepped out to pump some gas, I fell apart in a pile of tears. I sobbed and prayed, and sobbed and prayed. It was by far my weakest moment of these last two months.
As the snot and tears were running down my face, I simultaneously thought these two things:
1) These were the feelings that I'd been expecting and fearing all along. This was the state that I have felt so grateful to have miraculously avoided for the last two months.
2) Thank you, thank you, thank you God that I haven't felt like these every day for the last two months.
So, I had a good cry, and then I chomped down on my apples. I've found that it's a lot harder for me to feel bitter and angry with a full stomach - regardless of what it's full of. And today, the crisis is over and I'm back to feeling like a raw foodie inside and out. I do not feel like it is a thick, stinky garment that I'm being forced to wear. I'm back to feeling like I'm making a choice, and that makes ALL the difference.
If I'm doing something because I want to do it - because I'm choosing this for myself - then I am 100% more likely to be successful than if I'm doing something because I feel like I have to. As soon as I have that feeling, I start feeling trapped, angry and bitter. That will absolutely end in me quitting. Every. Single. Time. Especially on the food front - feeling trapped is a MAJOR trigger for me because of some of my past food experiences.
I can point to different pools of fat on my body and be like, "Yeah, that's from the winter of '02; this one's from that one time in '06." Yup. My pounds gots stories! Which is why I need to be very careful about the ones I tell myself, and the ones I believe. Today, I'm feeling the "happily after ever" vibe.
Thank.
Goodness.
I'm feeling much more centered and in control of things. However, I'm still in desperate need of a thorough grocery run and have to rely on my husband finding the time in his busy busy schedule to go to the store for me, as I'm still spending most of my time with my sprained foot elevated. But the good news is that he can't last long without food, either, and at this rate, we'll both be dead by midnight tomorrow if he doesn't get to the store first thing in the morning.
I've hit my two-month mark, and it could not have been ushered in any more dramatically.
Last Thursday, I was on my way down to Trader Joe's and I stepped into a pothole and sprained my foot. My husband was out of town at the time, so he came home to pick me up and bring me back to his out-of-town event. So, I've spent the last five days in a hotel room with my foot propped up on a pillow, and absolutely miserable on the food front.
First of all, I started this whole adventure pretty much out of food (hence my trip to Trader Joe's). My husband didn't have time to go the grocery store, so I was at the mercy of the few things that I brought, and the occasional room service. Not ideal. When I'm traveling, I try to prepare some of my dehydrated favorites in advance to help tide me over.
The hubby was finally able to run to the store a couple days in, but he forgot the three most important items that I requested (but he was a true hero for getting me everything he did, and he even got me some appreciated extras). So, I had a bounty of fresh foods - but not the key items that would have made it a bounty of deliciousness.
Second of all, I've been in a pathetic state! Not only did I sprain my left foot, but the extra strain placed on my right foot caused a severe flare up of the capsulitis in my right foot, which is just a fancy way of saying I was screwed twice over. I can barely walk on EITHER foot.
Third, I've wanted nothing more than to comfort myself with food. I haven't even had the privilege of being able to create some awesome raw gourmet for myself. No, the peak of my days have been a nice crunchy carrot, and yet ANOTHER salad - ugh!
So, what have I been doing these last few days? I've been feeling sorry for myself and watching the Food Network. That's right - I've been indulging in food porn.
I did go to a raw food restaurant today, but that just added insult to injury. It was a major disappointment. (Although my hubby did get me a nice raw chocolate bar for desert.)
I know that this is a negative post, but I'm just wallowing in this negativity today. It is what it is. And I have just four more glorious months to go.
The Silver Lining
But I will say that I've been very amazed by how quickly my sprain is healing. I've been doing zero icing or anything, so I really think that the raw food diet is helping to accelerate my healing process.
My cousin came to visit over the weekend and she asked me what's changed since I went raw. I drew a total blank. I couldn't think of much. Although, I think there have been more changes than I realize. If I went back to cooked foods tomorrow, I'm sure I would be reminded of a few things that I'm not having to deal with anymore.
One thing that's definitely different is that I am more fully present in my own life. This week is a perfect example of this. My husband is out of town, and I'm here by myself. In the past, the second he walked out the door, I was making a list of all the junk foods I was going to go buy. I'd fill my freezer with ice cream, and my cupboards with sugary cereal, and I would eat myself into a coma until he got home.
The last time he went out of town, I was just getting into the raw food lifestyle, so I spent that time immersing myself into this new way of doing things. I spent those days experimenting with different recipes, watching YouTube videos, and staying away from the grocery store to avoid temptations.
This week marks my first time being alone since then. I am not binging, I am not grazing, I am not freaking out in the middle of my kitchen. I'm just here. I'm between work projects, so I have the luxury of choosing how to spend each of these wonderful days that my husband is gone. I'm reading, writing, and catching up with old friends. I am so present, and so mindful of every decision that I make.
I feel so comfortable in my own skin. I feel so aware of the limitless options in front of my. I don't feel compulsive about anything I'm doing (well, that's a lie. I'm actually procrastinating working on my book, so I'm going to Facebook every five minutes to put it off).
So, if my cousin were to ask me again, "What's changed since you went raw 8 weeks ago?"
I've been discouraged to find that I'm not losing weight very fast on this raw food diet. I don't weigh myself because I get too crazy about the numbers, but I would guess that I've only lost about 10-15 pounds.
Don't get me wrong - I'll take every last one of those pounds. It's just that I thought I'd be losing weight much faster than this. I have only gone down one pants size, and it's been almost two entire months.
However, I will say that:
1) Weight loss is not the reason I'm doing this - it just happens to be a great side effect.
2) Part of my problem might be my hormonal issues. I have a tumor on my pituitary gland that makes everything screwy, and my chiropractor told me a long time ago that might be one of the reasons I struggle with losing weight (although at the time I thought he was silly because I knew about those secret goodies under my driver's seat).
3) I'm still not eliminating the way I want to be - herbs and all. I've never struggled so much with my plumbing while I've been doing so much for it! I think I'm going to have to do a cleanse soon - ugh.
4) I carry my weight like a pregnant lady (which is kind of ironic since I can't get pregnant right now). This means that I carry most of my weight in my stomach. Even though that particular part of my anatomy seems to be the most allergic to calories (it swells right up!), the rest of my body does seem to be shrinking. My arms and legs are getting more slender, and my boobs have definitely begun to shrink, which I'm pretty happy about.
5) I'm still losing weight, regardless of how minuscule the number may seem. That means that I am headed in the right direction, and I can be sure that I will continue to lose as I continue on this path.
So, all in all, I think I just need to stop my worrying. It's not going to make a difference, and I am making a difference with my choices right now. I just need to remember why I'm doing this, and keep trucking along.
As I've been preparing raw foods the last several weeks, I haven't gone out and purchased a lot of tools. I've generally been making do with what I have. This enabled me to dive right in without creating an expensive barrier to entry for myself, but it's also added to some of my kitchen frustrations as I've found myself limited more than once.
If you can get your hands on some or all of the tools listed here, I think they will make the difference between getting by and thriving on this diet. I have spent a lot of extra time in the kitchen trying to make it without some of these things, or I have just had to avoid certain recipes all together. I would much rather be able to have the resources to do everything and anything that I want.
That being said - you don't need them; they just make things easier. You don't need anything fancy to throw together a salad, or prepare a big bowl of fruit. Personally I've found that I've outgrown my hillbilly appliances these last almost-8 weeks, and it's time to upgrade a few things. But I'm kind of glad I've gone about things THIS way instead of making a major investment right up front.
It's kind of like a gym membership - it's better to get one after you've outgrown your living room and gotten tired of running around the block, instead of signing a year contract thinking THAT is what's going to motivate you. Outgrow what you have - and then reward yourself with the extra resources. You'll be much less likely to take them for granted, and much more likely to use them.
Vitamix - or other high-powered blender
Okay, it's time for this girl to break down and sell a kidney or something so I can afford to get a Vitamix. That's a really high-powered blender that will make my life so much easier. The other day, I spent almost two hours making a "quick" pumpkin pie recipe that should have taken about 30 minutes tops. Even after all that, the pie still wasn't creamy enough and I hated the texture, which wasn't helped by the fact that I didn't peel the pumpkin first (I didn't know I was supposed to; I guess the person writing the recipe didn't consider that there are Gwens out there that need even the baby steps spelled out).
In addition, my almond yogurt is just crap because I can't puree the mixture fine enough with my blender.
Spiralizer
I also must have a spiralizer. I'd already been thinking about it, but the deal was sealed earlier this week when I went to a raw restaurant and tried the zucchini noodles with cashew Alfredo. It was a party in my mouth! The cafe was selling the spiralizer for $50, but that's too expensive; I'm ordering mine here for about $35. Also, you can see a video recipe using one on my last blog post.
Mandolin
This is something that will cut your foods almost paper thin. I haven't felt at a total loss without one, but I've passed up a lot of good looking recipes since I don't have one. I recently saw a ravioli recipe that calls for thinly sliced jicama, so I'm considering this much more seriously now. The alternative is to cut your vegetables by hand, but I just can't seem to get my ingredients thin enough.
Big Butcher Knife
I'd also like to get a big butcher knife, like this one. This would help when opening up the young coconuts. I'm getting pretty good at opening them without this tool, but it's cost me my Miracle Blade knife that I've had for years, so now I'm in the market for a new knife anyway. I'm currently using a sharp knife to cut away the husk on the top, and then smacking the dome around the edges with the back of a hammer. It's very effective, but probably not as sanitary as using something that has been through the dishwasher. You can see a video on how to easily open a coconut here.
Dehydrator
I use this almost daily. There are a wide range of models out there, and a wide range of prices. I bought mine off of craigslist for about $15 and it was like new. Used dehydrators are like used bread machines - they're as good as new because the person that bought them had a world of good intentions, but never figured out how to use them. Lucky me!
I've used this a lot, and I plan on using it more as I branch out and try new things. I had some raw nachos at a raw restaurant earlier this week, so now I'm itching to try some chips. I've made burgers, sun dried tomatoes, and kale chips very regularly. I'll be trying some raisins tomorrow since I have two bags of black grapes that aren't good for anything else.
Food Processor
This is invaluable - especially if you're not ready to invest in a Vitamix. Sadly, I just have this sorry little contraption called an Ultimate Chopper. Don't get me wrong - I love it; but it's so SMALL. It fits about two cups of content, which is NOT enough when you're trying to make raw food dishes. You should have seen me making my pie this week. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get everything pureed using the blender, so I chopped everything before throwing it into the blender. But since my UC is so tiny, it took several chopping cycles. Load, chop, dump; load, chop, dump - it drove me nuts!
I'm going to invest in a much bigger chopper very soon.
Juicer
I have a juicer, but it's in storage at my sister's house in Oklahoma, so I haven't been doing any juicing yet. I feel like this is a must, though, because I've been struggling getting as wide of a variety of foods and nutrients that I want. Almost, all the raw food gurus I've subscribed to really make a big deal out of juicing. The other day, I was literally craving a beet, so I just pureed it in my blender, then strained it through a nut bag. This worked well enough, but it was messy and required several more steps than if I'd just had my juicer handy.
This will also be a great way for me to get in some of the fruits and vegetables I don't actually want to eat. I can just juice them and blend the flavors with other things that I enjoy.
Need vs. Want
All that being said, I would encourage you NOT to put off taking the plunge until you have these tools. If you see these tools as a barrier to entry, then you'll be much more likely not to do it at all - or the opposite will happen. You will go out and spend $500 on all these fancy contraptions with the best of intentions, and then donate them to Goodwill a year later because you found a million other reasons not to get started.
Hmmm - on second thought, you go right on ahead and make the investment. I'll be gleaning your goodies soon ;)
I've been raw now for about 7 and a half weeks. This past week brought some unique challenges, and a couple wins. There is one thing in this world that I would be willing to throw everything away for. That one thing is Pad Thai from this wonderful Thai restaurant down the road. That is the only craving that has literally brought me to tears during this whole journey.
Last night, I went to that Thai place and sat next to my husband as he ate that very dish. We went with family, and I was actually the one that chose the restaurant because I wanted to share the amazing discovery of this place. This was one of my most difficult moments thus far. Perhaps we should have gone for seafood instead, since I hate that anyway.
But I did survive! I ordered a Thai coconut and a huge side salad, and an hour later, the temptation was gone. As we drove home afterwards, it struck me how temporary food is. It doesn't matter what I'm eating or not eating - the whole meal experience is so short that it barely matters at all.
The Win!
We were down in San Diego earlier this week, and we found a fabulous little raw cafe called Peace Pies. This was by far my most favorite raw food experience thus far. I was feeling a little panicky that day (I sometimes still feel like I'm going crazy doing this - or that I already am!), and when I opened up that menu, I just unraveled. The whole menu looked amazing.
I order the zucchini noodles with cashew Alfredo and my husband ordered the nachos. I'd never really had zucchini noodles before, except for one disastrous experiment about two days into the raw food diet that ended up going in the trash. But I've been wanting to try again - especially since I didn't have the right tools to make the noodles right (you really need a spiralizer).
When I took that first bite, I literally sighed and could have just cried right there in the middle of the restaurant. And my husband's nachos were just as delicious - it even had raw chips. In fact, I ate all of mine, and about half of his (he says he gets full really fast when eating raw - I was happy to help!). And we STILL had desert - some strawberry cashew cheesecake. (Hmmm - maybe that's why I'm losing weight so slow.)
Yes - by far my best experience yet. Now, I just need to get a spiralizer!
Today will be the end of week six on the raw food diet. I'm still (miraculously) going strong. I have no idea how I've made it this far, but I'm very grateful. All I can really say is that I felt a calling for this. I don't know how else to describe it. So, I'm sticking with it for the entire six months. My last day will be February 21, 2014, and it will be very interesting to see how I feel about it at that time. Will I go longer? Will I be relieved? I'm not sure.
Right now, I'm feeling pretty comfortable in this lifestyle. I still have moments of shock, wondering what the heck I'm doing, and I have times that I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. But mostly, I'm really happy to be doing this.
K.I.S.S.
One of the biggest factors in my success this far, I think, has been to just try to keep things simple.
When I first started getting into this, I was excited to try new recipes, and anxious to reassure myself that I could still have a lot of amazing foods. And that's true! And I still enjoy trying new things. However, the more that I rely on those fancy concoctions, the more discouraged I get because of the amount of time it takes, and the number of failed experiments.
Objects in this photo are larger than they appear.
I mostly try to mono meal on fruit throughout the day, and have a huge salad in the evening. What I've consistently been doing is starting my day with half of a seedless watermelon. Then, I might make a meal out of a bag of grapes; if I get hungry later, I'll have four bananas or so. Then, for dinner, I make a huge salad. At first, I couldn't figure out why I was running out of salad dressing so fast, since I'm not usually a big dressing person. But then I had a DUH! moment when I realized that if I'm eating five times the amount of salad I normally do, then of course I'm going to zip right through my dressings because I'm using it up five times faster!
80-10-10
The basis for my current structure is the 80-10-10 raw food diet, as designed and discussed by Dr. Graham. My husband thinks I'm crazy because of the amount of fruit sugars I'm consuming, and I'm sure there are a lot of people that will disagree with THIS formula for a raw food diet. However, it's the one that's really resonating with me. I intuitively made the decision to go to raw foods for healing, so it seems only right that I'll pick WHICH raw food dogma I want to follow intuitively, too.
I will say that I'm a HUGE sugarmonger, and I have not had a single sugar craving since going raw. I mean, I was super addicted to sweets. I am in awe that I have not had a single temptation for those foods I used to eat on a regular basis. I take that as a sign that I must be doing something right.
Well, 80-10-10-ish...
Even though that's the formula that I've roughy following, I need to emphasize that I'm ROUGHLY following it. I'm not tracking my calories or anything, and I'm sure I'm still consuming more fat than is recommended. My salad dressings all have oils in it, and I usually eat about one avocado per day. But I don't really care at this point. I'm glad to have a baseline ideal, and I'm glad I'm still raw. Beyond that, I'm just doing the best I can.
I've also made some raw burgers that are AMAZING. I am so in love with them. I made some for my trip a couple weeks ago, and made another batch over the weekend. I've been having one of those for lunch, wrapped up in some lettuce leaves with a yummy garlic-sundried tomato-basil spread we found at a little produce stand on Friday. DELICIOUS. The flavors just burst in my mouth, and it's all I can do to just limit myself to the one burger.
Cravings
The bloody trail left over
from my beet juice.
My cravings have been very moderate. I often have a dull aching for cooked foods, but that's more of an emotional yearning. Sometimes I feel bored on the raw foods because I'm used to the stimulation that comes from eating junk food. I am a huge emotional eater. I reached for the crap when I was anything but baseline. If I was happy, it was time to celebrate. If I was sad, it was time for "therapy." If I was bored, it was time for "entertainment." Sugar had the unique ability to be all of those things.
But now, it's just me and my issues, facing off each day. There is no burying them under food. There's only looking at them, getting to know them, marinating in them.
This is a GOOD thing, but not a good experience. Frankly, I preferred the sugar.
But speaking of cravings, I was TOTALLY craving some beets today. And I don't even like beets! But my body was definitely telling me I needed something more. I haven't been doing any juicing, since my juicer is in storage at my sister's 2000 miles away, and I think that's taking its toll. Today, my body was really craving a steep infusion of goodness.
So, I pureed a beat and a carrot in my blender, then strained the pulp off using a cheese bag. Then I gulped it down. Technically, I think I'm supposed to sip and chew my juices to keep them from affecting my blood sugar too much, but that wasn't really an option for me. Like I said, I don't really like beets. It was gulp it or puke it.
A Cool Finding
There's also been one more finding that I'll share. I've been craving brain food like crazy. I mean, I have almost no appetite for movies and shows (we don't watch TV anyway). All I want to do is watch documentaries and read, read, and read. I like this :)
Yesterday, my husband finally decided not to be 100% raw anymore (or whatever the percentage has been in our house). I'm both relieved and concerned. I'm relieved because he has been unsure for weeks about what his commitment was going to be. He built in a cheat day a few weeks ago, where he goes to a vegan restaurant and gets whatever he wants, but every day he goes on, wondering about how often he should do that, am I going to do that, and how much he really just wants to go gorge himself at Fogo de Chao.
Then there's the disappointment that has come almost every single night when I serve him his dinner. He just kind of deflates as he looks at it. I know he's not loving this lifestyle. He really enjoys the raw fruits throughout the day, but when it comes to dinners, there's always a let down.
This has been so discouraging for me. I'm actually a fantastic cook, and our meals are usually accompanied by his spontaneous or fished-for compliments. (I usually ask him about five times if he likes it - more if he LOVES it.) Food is definitely a "love language" in my family. I enjoy cooking fabulous, elaborate meals for my hubby. I enjoy him letting me know they are fabulous and elaborate. And it's all for him. Seriously, if I was eating alone every night, I'd be living on cereal or something.
So now that I've undertaken this huge endeavor to totally change the way I eat and give our menu a major make over, I have been so discouraged as I'm feeding my husband meal after meal and he's never in love with what I'm making. He's always very grateful, and open to trying to new things, but that's not the same. I want to see him reach for seconds, or say, "This one's a keeper! Did you write it down? Make sure to write it down!"
I keep asking him to please look up some recipes he'd like to try. That way he can at least take the blame when it's not what he was hoping for. But he hasn't taken the time to do that. Each meal is an experiment - a seemingly failed one.
So, now that he's announced he'd rather be about 80% raw instead, and would like to bring in some beans and rice and other things, I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more wobbling back and forth, and no more sad faces at dinner time. I hope.
But I'm also a little concerned about this change. It's been so much easier knowing that we were both doing this - you know, "a house divided" and all that. But when I went to the grocery store today to get stuff for our trip back home, I just didn't really know what to buy. Do I still spend an arm and a leg on the berries he likes to eat to keep him motivated to stay raw? Should I get him different snacks than mine? If so, which ones? How un-raw does he want to be? How much should I invest into his raw foods when he'll be supplementing with other things?
I zigzagged across the store in a stupor trying to figure it out.
Then, on the way home, we stopped to get gas and he and our other traveling companion when into Subway to get sandwiches. I just stared at their food. At his food. I've been so blessed to be in a bubble these last several weeks. We've both been raw and I haven't had to be bothered by having my old favorites around. But now...
We got home from our trip a couple hours ago, and our house is pretty bare of groceries, except what we brought back with us. He suggested I go to the grocery story, but I feel so discouraged and tired of what I've been eating that I just don't know what to get. I want to plan out a menu first and remember all the yummy things that are available to me before I go spend my money aimlessly on more carrots and greens.
We sat around for a bit before he invited me to go to his favorite vegan restaurant with him. I said I'd go, and he asked for the millionth time if I was going to have some cooked food while I'm there. I responded, for the millionth time, "No, honey. I'm doing this all the way for 6 months."
In the end, he called the restaurant to see if they had raw food dishes, and they said no. He encouraged me to still come, since they do have salads, but by then I just didn't want to go anymore. So, he went alone. And I'm here, writing this.
**UPDATE: He just walked in the door, and he brought me back a salad. As soon as he picks the chips off, I can eat it.
I picked up a pint of chocolate coconut the ice cream Saturday night after looking over the ingredients. The main ingredients were coconut milk, agave syrup and cocoa powder. There were also emulsifiers, like carob bean gum and guar gum. I figured it would be ok. I rationalized. I indulged. I even thought I was being cute by posting a picture of it's empty carton on my "Confessions" post.
Well, now it's time for the rest of the story.
Within the hour, I realized that my right forearm had broken out into a rash. I looked at my left arm, and I literally watched it go from clear to spotted, right before my very eyes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing!
The next morning, I ran my hand across my forehead and realized that it was covered in small bumps. I rushed to the bathroom and saw that the rash had crept across my face and chest. Within 24 hours of that, the dots had bled across my entire body. Here I am, 72 hours after the fact, and I am covered head to toe. My lips haven't even been spared. Even my FINGERTIPS have been kissed by the ice cream's revenge!
Why I'm THRILLED About This
I am actually so excited about this. This means that the environment in my body has dramatically changed over these last five weeks on the raw diet. My body is in absolute riot mode after eating that ice cream. The excessive chocolate in particular probably caused my liver to freak out, and so now my body is detoxing through my skin.
A month ago, my body would have seen that dessert as a bug on its windshield. But today, it's taking a stand against toxins!
So yes - I have no hard feelings about the war that has been waged against me. I have learned that something is indeed going on inside of my body, and I'm relieved. There is so little evidence to me that anything is actually happening - that changes are actually being made. I don't really know what to measure my success by without getting my blood drawn. But every now and then, there are those a-ha! moments when I realize that things are changing. And those little moments are enough to keep me hanging on for the big payout at the end.
Today officially marks the end of my first month on the raw diet. I know I keep saying this, but I am just so amazed that I've made it this far. What a blessing! I am in complete shock. This is especially true because my husband has been wavering a little bit, and encouraged me to loosen up a little bit, too, by having a vegan blow meal once a week.
In the past, I've tended to set my standard by his performance, but not this time. I'm so committed to this. I think he could start eating steaks every day and I still wouldn't budge. I absolutely know that this is going to be my life until February 21, 2014. Period. I'm really glad that I set this up as just a 6-month experiment. I think this has really freed me from the pressure that comes from "NEVER!!!"
Also, I can't believe this month has gone by so quickly. It's gone. I'm coming up on 5 weeks in just a few days, and it seems like it's both been just a few days, and also like I've always been doing this.
One thing that I've really enjoyed is feeling like I'm finally eating in line with my principles about health and nutrition. However, I'm still having guilt all the time about what I'm going wrong, or not enough, or only half-way. Maybe that's just my personality - to always be looking for what else I should be doing. When I was 119 pounds and fully vegan eating mostly living foods, I still beat myself up over the things I was doing wrong.
And here I am, fully raw, and I'm still picking myself to pieces. Gwen, Gwen, Gwen. Just settle the heck down and stop with the criticisms. Ain't nobody got time for that!
I will say that the last couple days have been a little more intense for me. I've been traveling and staying at my cousin's house, and she's trying to eat really healthy right now. Her idea of healthy and mine are totally different, and there are times that I find myself looking at her turkey wrap or chips and salsa and thinking, "How different are they really? What's so bad about what she's eating? What difference would it really make if that's what I was eating?"
Of course, I know all the answers to those questions - but I also easily forget. When I'm alone with my raw foods, it all makes sense and I'm quick to pat myself on the back and celebrate. But when I go out into the real world, it's like I just forget all the reasons I'm doing this.
Luckily, I've at least been able to muster up a, "You're doing this for a really good reason - whatever it is - so KEEP AT IT!" And that's enough to keep me happily munching on my carrots while the rest of the world munches on everything else.
I've been stunned the last couple days as I've gone back to stores like Wal-mart and the 99 cent store with my cousin. My "places of worship" the last month have been Trader Joe's and Sprout's. I seriously took for granted how easy it's been to avoid temptations when I'm spending my time in health food stores. I haven't had to walk through isles of Doritos, Halloween candy, and Hostess Sno-Balls for weeks.
Walking among all these old familiar favorites, I could almost hear them calling me by my first name. "Hey, Gwen! Long time no see! I miss you. Let's put in some more couch time, baby."
I looked at them with big round eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights. It's like, "Oh, yeah! That! And That! And those!" It's such an odd sensation. I wouldn't say I'm craving them, or even desiring them. But I'm remembering desiring them. It's like putting on an old shirt that's no longer in style, but remembering how hot you felt when you wore it 10 years ago. Weird. Even still, I don't think it would take too long to erode my will power if I had to walk in there every day and pass by those old friends.
So, I guess I'd better add one more safety feature to my list of 6 things I do to combat cravings - AVOID TRADITIONAL GROCERY STORES. They aren't set up to feed me, but they sure make me hungry.
I'm primarily making this change to raw foods for health reasons, and not because of my stance on the ethical treatment of animals. Right now, I'm still craving meat and looking forward to the end of this 6-month experiment so I can enjoy some sesame chicken.
However, I'm also fully expecting this to change. I was vegan for about 18 months 10 years ago, and it was a similar situation in which I'd made the change primarily for health reasons. But the longer that I went without eating animal products, the more uncomfortable I became at the thought of it. I started to think about how unnatural it is to have these animals mass-produced as food products, and I the thought of eating flesh started to gross me out. This was before Food, Inc. and all those other lovely documentaries came out to give us all the guilt trips of our lives, too.
But then, we started to move away from the vegan life style, and we gradually started to make more and more exceptions with the animal products. Until a month ago, I was back to being a full-on carnivore. I can still psych myself out when I think about what I'm eating, but it takes work.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that my mindset tends to eventually come into line with my lifestyle, whatever that happens to be. So even though I currently have a foot stuck in both worlds, don't be surprised when I start posting snippets from Food, Inc. and start protesting against the local butcher.
I've been at my cousin's house for the last few days, and this has been my first venture outside of the safety of my own raw pantry. For any of you following my blog, you'll remember that I had an opportunity to travel about three weeks ago, and decided to stay home primarily because I didn't think I was ready to handle the raw thing on the road. Instead, I took those few days by myself to totally immerse myself into the raw lifestyle - watching videos, experimenting with different recipes and foods, and just generally trying to figure out what I was doing.
I'm so grateful that I took that time. I believe it has 100% made the difference in my success thus far, and this trip is no exception.
First of all, I brought a lot of food with me. At first, I thought that I'd brought too much, but as I'm nearing the end of my trip, I'm also nearing the end of my food stash. I've been surprised to find that I brought exactly enough.
Secondly, I tried to bring a variety of different foods so I wouldn't feel overly deprived, but I also tried to keep things super simple by not planning on doing anything that would require any processing. I've basically been having mono meals of carrots or watermelon, and a huge salad somewhere in between. I've found that I didn't bring as much of a variety as I thought, and that the repetitive meals, although easy-easy-easy, have put me in a little bit of a rut today after doing this for about 48 hours.
I think next time I will either prepare some of my more complicated foods ahead of time - like kale chips or burgers - and bring some with me.
Oh, I've also been eating a lot of FAT. I've been snacking on more nuts than usual while I've been here, but I don't care. Seriously, I'm just trying to get through this trip with my raw diet in tact. I don't care about doing it in style, making it pretty, or in appropriate proportions. I just want to get out of here alive.
All in all, I'd say this trip has been a raving success. I haven't been embarrassed to eat so differently, and I haven't been overly bombarded with other foods. My cousin is pregnant, so she's been keeping meals really simple for her family. In fact, one of my favorite parts has been sharing my foods with the children. They loved the watermelon and figs, and braved a sample of coconut water.
I've definitely benefited from having my cousin's full kitchen at my disposal. My next trip will be in a few weeks, and will be a bit more of a challenge, since I'll be at a conference for a week. But at least I get to ease into these experiences little by little. By then, I should be a pro :)
A couple weeks ago, I was sitting with my husband watching a movie and I was aware of how wonderful it felt to have his hand on my arm. The touch was so sensational and warm. Over the next few days, I became more and more sensitive to his touch (in a totally non-sexual way).
At first, I thought it was because we'd recently discussed and resolved and important issue in our life, and so maybe we were just enjoying the benefits of being emotionally closer. But as the days wore on and I was melting every time he would touch me - my arm, my leg, my back, my foot (don't ask), I connected the dots and realized that this is a direct result of being on a raw diet. I love it!
I'm not 100% raw. I'm probably closer to 95%. Here are the things that I've been experimenting with having in my diet:
Fresh rolls and raw buffalo shiitake mushrooms.
Spring-roll wrappers. My husband brought home some fresh rolls one night, and we made short work of getting them into our bellies. Yum! We have since purchased our own rice paper wrappers so we can make these at home ourselves. I have to admit, I'm feeling a little guilty about this one. These are not raw by any stretch of the imagination (although the filling is just raw vegetables), AND we make a cooked sauce to go with them. We aren't using any sweetened peanut butters, but the sauce is still as dead as can be. In addition, when I eat these in place of just having a large bowl of salad, it sums up to considerably less salad per meal (i.e. the amount of salad I'm eating in the wraps is less than it would be if I was just having a bowl of it). I've been eating these for about a week, and we've just about gone through an entire pack of 20 sheets. I'm not sure if I'll be keeping these in my diet - at least not this regularly.
Olives. I'm using these more as a condiment for flavor, and I'm totally fine with that. I've been struggling with getting the flavors of my food as strong as I'd like them, which tends to discourage me and turn me off to eating like this. So, I'm being a little more loose with what I'm using to flavor stuff. I totally draw the line at sugars and animal products, but I did just buy some salad dressings that aren't fully raw. One is some sesame thing, and the other is a vinaigrette sweetened with pineapple juice from concentrate. Right now, that's what it's taking to make my salads more palatable, so I'm doing it. However, we're also experimenting with making our own. We haven't come upon any winners yet, but when we do, I'll gladly make the switch.
Ezekiel Bread. My husband swears it's a living food, and is low-heated to preserve the enzymes, etc., but I don't believe it. I haven't done extensive research into this, but a quick Google search sided with me. However, I've still been eating a slice every other day or so when I'm making meals for the both of us. I've kind of been turning a blind eye to it and keep telling myself that I'll start making my own raw breads, and then we can phase this exception out completely. But... it hasn't happened yet. In the mean time, though, I will say that this bread has not been mucous forming for me at all, and it's been a nice foundation to build on with some of my meals. Ezekiel Cereal. This is something that I've only had a couple of times. Again, my husband thinks it's raw, and the box even says that it's cooked in a way to preserve it's nutritional value, but I don't think it's actually a living food. I just think that if it was considered "raw" it would be labeled accordingly. I did bring a box of this to my cousin's house while traveling, thinking it would be a good "filler" while I'm on the road and desperate, but I haven't had the heart to open it. It's not good enough to be worth the guilt trip.
Store-bought Almond Milk. My husband keeps buying this milk, and it's sooo much easier and cheaper to reach for this than make my own. I've been drinking about a 1/4 - 1/2 a cup a day with my tea, depending on how many cups of tea I have. But again, it's something that I keep intending to phase out with my own home-made milk, but... Store-bought Almond Yogurt. It's true. I ate one a few days into my raw diet, before starting to experiment with making my own, and I still buy one every time I go grocery shopping (I still haven't figured out the perfect way to make my own). I know that the base of this yogurt is raw, and it's thriving with active cultures, so I make this exception. I've found that I digest this well, it's not mucous forming, and it doesn't spike my blood sugar - if I don't buy a family-sized version of it and promptly eat the entire thing in 24 hours *blush*. I did that once, and I didn't sleep well that night because my adrenals were so off.
And that's it - that's my complete list of secrets. Oh! I do have one more confession. I ate a cracker! They were handing out samples of this chopped-olive stuff at Trader Joe's, and it was on a cracker. I totally ate that thing. I started to feel the mucous right away. Very interesting. And that was only a couple weeks into being all raw.
So now you know all my dirty little secrets... or do you?
I have successfully made it three weeks into my raw food journey. It has been a very interesting road thus far, with various ups and downs.
The thing that keeps nagging at me is, "Am I doing this right?" Even though this is quick to come to my mind - especially after experimenting with rich desserts or recipes that call for lots of nuts - I am also quick to remind myself to be patient with myself. I'm sure there are lots of things that I could be doing better, but I'm also confident that those things will come easier and easier to me with time.
Weight Loss
I have lost some weight, but I don't know exactly how much. I'll be honest and tell you that it hasn't been as much as I would have expected (thank you, rich desserts and recipes that call for lots of nuts). However, my husband (the only person who gets to see me *ahem* naked) assures me that my body is changing, even if my pants aren't as loose as I'd like them to be.
I don't actually know how much I've lost because I stopped using a scale a while ago because I tend to get obsessive about the numbers. Likewise, I'm seeing that I'm starting to get a little obsessive about how fast I'm moving into smaller jeans. But, then I have to remind myself that although the weight loss will be a very welcome side effect of this lifestyle, that's not why I'm doing this.
This is especially important for me to keep in mind because I don't want to give myself more reasons to get discouraged. And let's be honest - going raw is hard enough without the extra baggage.
Speaking of Extra Baggage...
I also mentioned in an earlier post about my....uh..."movement" issues. I was surprised to see how quickly and how fast my plumbing stopped working. It wasn't that fabulous to begin with, but the herbs I'd been taking for months to help with that were no longer doing the trick. Then, to top it off, I ran out of said herbs.
I had two long, miserable weeks of experimenting with different things (sans the herbs), until I finally just ordered some herbs. Well, when I say it that way it makes it sound like I did it grudgingly. But really, I'm just the world's biggest flake and I didn't get around to it any sooner than that.
My favorite herbal formulas are Dr. John Christopher's. His lower bowel formula has been my long-time number one choice, but I ran out a while back and was just using cascara sagrada in the interim. When I finally placed my order for the good stuff last week on Vitacost.com, I only found a formula called Dr. Christopher's Quick Colon. This may be the same thing with a different name (it has changed a few times over the years), or it may just be a stronger version of his last formula. I don't know, but I've been taking it for a couple days, and the name truly says it all. I love it.
Speaking of Movement...
I'm also working to get more exercise into my lifestyle to help support my lymph system. This is especially important to me since I know that I'm going into major detox mode. I want to do everything I can to keep the pressure off of my liver because the liver's first priority is to process hormones. If it's working on that, then everything else gets dumped back into your blood stream, which is why women tend to get a bit crabby during certain times of the month.
Well, since I have hormonal issues all 30 days of the month, it's like walking uphill both ways. I'm always battling those mood swings. Even though I'm confident that, over time, this raw food lifestyle is going to help me with that, I'm also aware that it may do the opposite in the short term as my body is detoxing and putting more of a load on my liver.
That's why I'm also taking Dr. Christopher's liver and gallbladder formula. If I don't have that, then I take other herbs that I know are good for the liver - my favorite is milk thistle. Actually, I've almost been primarily on milk thistle and chaste tree berry (also known as vitex) this last year, and I've seen amazing results with my mood swings.
On the raw food diet, my mood has not been as stable, but I also stopped taking the chaste tree berry a couple weeks ago (but that's another story for another post). So, I don't know if my ups and downs are more because of the transition, or because I stopped what I know was working. Either way, I'm confident that I will move towards greater stability as my journey progresses.
Just as a side note, I also recommend Dr. Christopher's blood stream formula, and his kidney formula - or other herbal formulas that would support those systems. This just about covers all of your avenues of elimination, and your body could really use the help.
My Secret Weapons
The last thing that I'll share about these last three weeks and my current transition is that I'm really finding that the list of 6 things I do to combat my cravings that I mentioned in my last post are really saving my life. There's not a single thing on that list that I could do without. I am amazed that I have gone this long without getting off the train, and it's been relatively easy, compared to what I was expecting.
Of course, I have to give my husband kudos for that because he is taking this journey with me. If I didn't have him backing me up on this, I don't think I could do it. If I was having to either cook or watch him eat all those cooked foods we used to share, I think I would have been lost in a pile of nachos and donuts by now.
So, thank you to him, and good luck to any of you who are also beginning this amazing transformation.
I know I've been talking a lot about temptations and challenges, but I want to also say that my moments of shock don't last that long, and it's comforting to know that they will pass. Here are some of the things that I've found really help me stick to my guns:
1) Education. I watch a lot of YouTube videos about this life style. One of my most favorite channels I've discovered during this process is Fully Raw Kristina. A couple nights ago, after finishing my last blog post, I found the following video of hers, which helped me enormously. Among other things, she said that the gut-wrenching cravings usually just last about 10 minutes, so it's just a matter of getting through that short window of time. She's been inspiring, educational, and a downright pleasure to watch.
2) Good Food. I try to keep foods around that I sincerely enjoy eating. The more I have, the less likely a craving will cripple me. If things get REALLY tough, I'll go to a raw food restaurant. This is a sure way to put me in a state of bliss, and always gives me new food ideas.
3) Finding New Recipes. Looking up raw food recipes on Pinterest and the Internet helps me realize that there is a world of possibilities that I just haven't explored yet. This gets me excited about trying these new foods, and really helps to scratch my creativity. You can find links to my Pinterest boards for these different raw recipes over on the right side of this blog. These recipes really encourage me, because I'm often surprised by how easy and delicious they are.
4) Vision Board. I haven't done this yet, but a friend suggested I create a vision board. This would give me something to look at when things feel rough, and remind me of all the reasons I'm doing this. I'm going to do this for sure, because when my cravings are really bad, I am so stuck in my own brain that I totally forget why I'm doing this. I just feel trapped, like I have to do this, and forget that I'm making a choice for very specific - and very important - reasons.
5) Herbal Teas. I've already mentioned this, but I like to have a cup of herbal tea when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's something that I enjoy so much, and it really helps me relax and feel more in control of my situation. If I'm starting to freak out over what I'm going to eat (or what I can't eat), I'll have a cup of tea while I make a plan. It instantly changes my state.
6) Journaling. Writing in my journal has always been an effective way for me to process what I'm going through, cravings or otherwise. It's just a natural way for me to unravel the things that overwhelm me so that I can look at the parts of my situation. That always changes my perspective, and helps me be more in tune to what is, instead of what things seem like.
That's all I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure I'll think of more. Feel free to add to this list by commenting below.
I went to bed last night and stayed up late reading. As I leaned over to turn off the light, I was hungry. But when I considered my food options, I was not motivated to go get something to munch on. In fact, I had a little bit of a panic attack, feeling like there was nothing in the world I could eat.
It was late. I knew I would feel better in the morning. And thankfully, I did. I started off my day by taking my sun dried tomatoes out of the dehydrator and having the rest of the kale chips I made the other night. Then, I walked down to the health food store and bought a bag of organic carrots and a pack of organic grapes to keep me fueled until I could make it to my destination.
What was my destination, you ask? FIGS! And there's only one place I get them - the farmer's market.
On my way there, I stepped into a vegan restaurant to see if they had some raw options. But as soon as I stepped in and glanced at the menu, I knew I had to get out of there. It was vegan - it would have been just too easy to rationalize ordering something that was NOT raw. In fact, I had my sites set on the very thing I wanted. I could almost taste it!
So, I turned on my heel and left - on to the figs.
But in order to get to these tasty morsels, I had to wade through the other food vendors. Oh, my senses were on fire. My mouth was watering, and I was just trying not to stare too long. I just thought about those figs - just a few short booths away. It became a mantra to get me through. Figs, figs, figs....
Figs. Life just doesn't get better than this!
This was one of my first times venturing out into the world, walking down the streets where I could smell all the foods I used to eat. I did have some fleeting moments of, "Look me in the eye again and I will tear that piece of chicken from your hand and run" urges, but I'm happy to report that I did make it safely to the fruit stand. And once I was there, I only had eyes for these dew drops from heaven.
Back Home on Safe Ground I came home and made my first batch of almond milk, which was a huge success. It's so delicious. I could probably thin it out a little, but...it's so delicious! I think I'll keep it nice and thick. Especially since I'm mostly using it for my tea.
Next up is a new recipe for my almond yogurt - it's actually just using the milk instead of the whole almonds. That's why my yogurt is like ricotta cheese - all the pulp! And no thank you. I'd much rather have it creamy. I'm not a fan of having to chew my yogurts, juices, or anything else you're supposed to be able to just swallow. I am NOT a fan of pulp.
But other than that, I think I'm done with experimenting for a while. Now I just want to stock up on the things that I love, and keep them handy. Unfortunately, I'm having a bit of a shortage at the moment. That's putting me into code red, I'm afraid.
It's 9:50 p.m. and my day has wound down. I'm home alone, and all I want to do is snack. I want to be able to go to the kitchen and pour a bowl of cereal. I want to pop open a package of cookies. I want to order some Chinese food and savor every bit of it.
I want, I want, I want...
And it kind of feels like last night, when I started to feel a little panicky over what I'm doing. But it's more like, "WHAT AM I DOING??"
The temptations and the shock of what I'm doing are usually happy to take a backseat and let me do this thing. But there are times that they just sneak up on me and scream in my face. It's very jarring. It's very hard.
But, I'm doing this for a reason, and that reason is just going to have to feed me for these next 5 and a half months. That reason is going to have to give me the strength to turn on my heel, and keep walking - over and over again.
I am tremendously grateful for these last couple of days to myself. I have really been able to invest this time fully immersing myself into researching and experimenting with the raw food lifestyle. I've learned so much! The difference between where I am today and where I was 48 hours ago is very dramatic. I am feeling much more confident about this, and I have a whole slew of recipes that I've tried, and am looking forward to trying.
I love it!
I spent half of my day in the kitchen, and the other half online - watching videos and Googling answers to a lot of my questions. One of the things that has really been a blessing to me as I've started this journey is the foundation that I've been building on these last 12 years. I've experienced so much guilt over the years as I've just managed my health half-way, and only toyed with different health principles. Well, little did I know that I was just setting the foundation for myself for when I was ready.
And, miraculously, I am finally ready. So, all those years of slowly learning things and digesting new ideas, and trying extreme health regimens did not go to waste, and I wish I'd never spent a single moment feeling guilty or ashamed. One of the principles that I've really come to understand over the last couple of years is that you cannot shame, or hate, or abuse your way to loving yourself. It's just not possible.
This book has helped me so much.
I have been experiencing a slow, spiritual unravelling of the things that have been weighing on me for years, keeping me from true happiness. I mention this because this has been one of the things that has kept me from success in the past. I would be working on my food lifestyle and physical nutrition, and then I would get to the edge of this cliff, where all the sticky, caustic emotions were just swirling below me, ready to come escape, and it would just scare me to death.
I would quickly retreat back to the foods and the lifestyle that numbed me out, and kept those emotions and past experiences from coming too close to the surface.
I'm sure that I will come to that same cliff again - over and over again - but now I feel confident that I have the emotional and spiritual tools to withstand them as they pass through me on their way out. It's all been a journey thus far, and it will continue to be.
Back to Food
LASAGNA!! Sooo good :)
Today I tried some pretty detailed recipes, but they really paid off. For dinner, I had a raw lasagna, trying the cashew cheese for the first time. The sauce called for equal parts sun dried tomatoes, and fresh tomatoes, and it was so delicious I could have eaten it by the spoonful. I couldn't believe how amazing this meal was. I'm considering freezing a slice for my husband to eat when he gets back, but we'll have to see about that. I may just have to eat it all myself :)
But I also feel like I've come full circle these last couple of days. Where I've really been trying to come up with great recipes that would take the sting out of the transition, now I'm really wanting to simplify. I want to focus on having more mono meals, and a lot less fat. This will take a lot of the work out of what I'm doing, and be much better for my digestion.
I have to kind of change my definition of a meal in order to do this, though. I absolutely love to cook and to experiment and to blend flavors. There's still a place for that in my new lifestyle, but I will simply get burned out if I try that for every meal - or even every day, I think. I need to rely more on the trusty salad option, and fill up on platters of fruit. That's going to make my life much easier - and healthier.
I'm so amazed and grateful that I've made it this far. I've struggled with food addiction for years, and I've simply walked away from all of those junk foods I was thriving on. I haven't had a single craving for sweets since I started this, which has been my drug-of-choice for a long time. I'm just in awe, and I'm so grateful. I'm sure there will many, many food crises in the future, but I'm really relieved that I haven't had to battle them so far. I got this!
Almond yogurt with fresh strawberries
and a touch of raw honey.
My life is kind of revolving around food at the moment, so it's appropriate that I dedicate a post to the details.
The Yogurt
Today has been full of some food experiments. The almond yogurt wasn't quite done last night, so I let it sit overnight. I had my first bowl this morning, and honestly, I'm wondering if the probiotics worked, or if I'm just eating something that was left on the counter too long. (I'm mostly joking...)
The yogurt was...not yogurt. But it wasn't bad! I blended in some raw honey and fresh strawberries, and it made a good breakfast. Even though I'm going to have to get used to the flavor, I was craving it throughout the day, which I take to be a good sign.
It's a little mealy (like the texture of ricotta cheese), and I can definitely pick up that fermented flavor, which is almost a little cheese-like. This actually gives me some ideas of other things I can use it for. I have a friend that's been doing this raw thing for a couple years (and was actually the one who took me to see the presentation that inspired me to do this), and he said he uses a probiotic that results in a better flavor, and the result isn't as mealy - the same brand featured in the video below.
Hmm... I will have to try that, but I'm definitely skeptical about whether it's just a matter of the probiotic I'm using. After all, this was my first try, so I'm thinking of all the things I may have potentially done wrong. I think I'll try another batch in the next couple days, once this one is gone, and see if I can get a different outcome. For one, the skins were really hard to take off of the almonds, so I'm wondering if I just hadn't soaked them long enough. If so, then that could be why the concoction wasn't creamier.
In addition, I've discovered I don't even have to remove the skin. Here is a video of Lou Corona, the man that inspired me to finally do this, going over the basics of this yogurt stuff:
Kale Chips
Homemade "cheesy" kale chips - delicious!
As of three minutes ago, this has been my most favorite discovery so far. The reason is not so much because of the kale chips, though, as much as it is the nutritional yeast. I had heard that this yeast has a cheesy flavor, but I'd never had it. Until just now! And I mean JUST NOW. I took a picture of the kale chips being dehydrated for this post, and noticed that they looked done. I popped one in my mouth and literally gasped.
Wow! These are soooo delicious, and they really do taste cheesy! I am in shock. I am in love. So I'm posting THIS picture instead. I intend to eat every last one of these things before this post is published. Here's the recipe I used, but I subbed the walnuts for sunflower seeds, the olive oil for coconut oil, and I also added some cayenne, since I like some spice. I know - I might as well have just given you my own recipe, but I'm too lazy. You'll get the idea... Also, I think the reason my "cheese" clumps are so big is because the sunflower seeds were too wet. Next time I'm going to try to make it more crumbly.
Other Foods I'm Loving
In my first post, I published a picture of some eggplant chips with fresh guacamole. I really loved these, and now I'm trying to make the same recipe with zucchini. I cut three zucchinis in three different ways, to give it some variety and see which ones I prefer on the dehydrator. I cut one in small circles - like chips; one in long, thin slices; and one in "sticks". I'll give a report tomorrow on the one that I prefer. I'm hoping for something crunchy, so we'll see!
My new addiction.
I am also drinking a looot of red tea, which is really high in antioxidants, and just makes me happier about this whole thing. When I'm feeling discouraged, or at a loss of what to make, it's tea time. And as I sip on this yummy goodness, going raw seems much more doable.
I had this for the first time several months ago at a friend's house, and I loved it so much she sent me home with my own stash. I'm now running fairly low, after drinking it like crazy this past week, so I tried to find some more at Sprouts. I found a Celestial Seasonings variety with some vanilla - which was the purest blend I could find. I couldn't find JUST the tea, and the other brands had other things like cinnamon and cloves added to it. I may try those in the future, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I just want the straight tea.
NOTE: This is purely an herbal tea. It's not actually from a tea leaf; the Rooibos is its formal plant name, and "red tea" is just a nickname. So there's no caffeine or yucky acids to deal with.
UPDATE: A friend just referred me to the BEST TEA SHOP EVER, where I can order this tea is so many different delicious flavors. I think I'm going to have to make some exceptions to my tea-only rule. You can check out that site here: http://tinroofteas.com/rooibush-teas/.
A Confession
So, here's a little confession. When I started this raw journey, I'd just gone grocery shopping like two days earlier, so I had an unopened carton of Almond Milk in the fridge. What to do, what to do? DRINK IT! I've been putting a splash of the milk in my tea, which is probably cheating, but I know the milk comes from raw almonds, so I can easily rationalize this (= rational ' lies). But, I probably won't buy more. Instead, I'm hoping to find an easy recipe for making my own. If you have an opinion on this, or a great recipe to share, feel free to leave that below.
My Golden Rule With Food
I've quickly realized that one of the keys to my success is going to be avoiding things that I hate. I COULD eat some of this crap for health's sake, but why do that to myself? Chances are, there is always something else just as healthy that I could be eating instead.
For instance, the other night I tried my hand at making marinara sauce over zucchini spaghetti. It wasn't spaghetti, and it was crunchy and cold. Gross! So, being a college-educated woman with a truckload of wisdom, I decided what I really needed to do was use spaghetti squash next time. Which I did the next day. The result? It was still crunchy, cold, and gross. I ate a few bites, feeling sorry for myself and wondering what the heck I was doing trying to go raw, when I realized that I didn't have to eat it.
"But it's so healthy!" I argued. "It's raw! This is my life now - I just need to get used to this!"
I struggled through another bite or two before I realized that if I am going to do this raw thing, I'd better be eating foods that I really enjoy - and there are plenty of them! So I quickly tossed the impostor and made myself a huge salad - something that is SUPPOSED to be crunchy and cold, and is just as healthy.
So, that's been my motto. If I don't like it, move on to the next experiment. The flip side of that is that I'm making an effort to keep things on hand that I know that I love. This includes avocados, watermelon, young coconuts, eggplant chips, herbal teas, sun-dried tomatoes, and fruits galore.
Even still, I'm committed to experimenting and trying new things every day. In the process, I'm discovering more foods that I both love and hate - and recalibrating my experiments accordingly. So, we'll see what new flavors tomorrow holds.
At 2:00 this morning, my husband announced that he would be going out of town this afternoon. For days. There were no previous plans for this, but he suddenly decided that his hottest business prospects were 10 hours away, so that's where he needed to be, too.
What would you have done? Well, this is an old hat for me. We have left on many-a trips like this, with just a few hours between thinking about it and doing it. I just kind of go with the flow, and make it work. I drop what I'm doing, get the house ready, the dog ready, the car ready, my psyche ready, and off we drive into the sunset.
But this time, I said, "No."
We both blinked in astonishment.
What did I just say?
"No." That is a word that is not often found in my vocabulary. After all, I am the wife of a busy entrepreneur who has the attention span of a gnat. He's spontaneous, and I show my love by pretending to be.
But this time, the word came easily to me.
My husband wasn't really excited about leaving without me, and I wasn't too excited to see him leave, but I knew I'd made the right choice.
The Breakthrough
How it usually goes...
The breakthrough for me today was that when I was faced with having to make a quick, huge decision, I did not go into throes of anxiety or overwhelm. I did not waffle back and forth on what to do, or what I thought I SHOULD do. I immediately, intuitively, knew what the best answer was for me.
I recognized that staying would not be easy, but going would be harder, and made my final decision very quickly. This is huge for me, and the complete opposite of how this usually goes down. I really believe that my ability to make a quick decision, and to confidently stick to it, is a direct result of my raw diet. My mental clarity is amazing.
I have also gone down a notch in my belt, my face is thinning out, I'm not waking up feeling hung over, and I have an enormous amount of energy.
I am a bit constipated (TMI?), but I think that's because my body is dumping faster than my bowel is able to...you know. I'm taking a lot of herbs in hopes of avoiding an enema (ok, now I know we're in the TMI camp), but we'll see.
The Reason I Stayed
Warding off tempations.
There are many reasons for this, but the main reason I decided not to go is because my new lifestyle is
still in infancy. This has been a hard (albeit welcome) transition for me, and I know that I am not strong enough to hit the road and go couch surfing for the next week. In fact, I had to purge my house of simple tortilla chips and Rice Krispies because they were starting to look like filet mignon and ice cream.
What would have happened to me if I'd gone to my brother's house and been surrounded by, offered, and encouraged to eat all those other foods?? One of two things would have happened. I would have either been absolutely miserable in my abstinence, or caved in. Either way, why make is so hard for myself?
I know that there will be times that I will need to go live in my life. But right now, I'm transitioning into a different way of living, and I really want to get my feet up under me before I start running marathons. I mean, traveling and being in other people's houses and lives carries enough stress as it is. Throw in the fact that I'd totally be swimming upstream with little support, and it would be a nightmare.
A Temporary Hermit
So I opted to stay home, where my raw fare is within arms reach - and the non-raw fare is not. I made my very first batch of raw almond yogurt tonight, which is "brewing" at this very minute (23 more minutes, and that baby's going down the gullet). I watched a bunch of YouTube videos about other raw recipes while I sat on the couch and peeled the almonds in preparation.
I intend to spend the next few days really immersing myself into this. Then, I will be that much closer to being ready to hit the road for my SCHEDULED-IN-ADVANCE trip just a few short weeks away. Real life is just itching for me to hop back in. I know it's coming. But for now, I'm content hemming myself in against "the rest of the world."
So, here's to a few precious days of eating raw, talking to myself, and doing nothing at the spur of the moment.
I'm going 100% raw for the next six months, and I have mixed feelings about it. But luckily, I'm sitting more on the "I'm totally committed" side of the fence, than the "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!" side.
Most of the time.
There are times that I stand aimlessly in my kitchen and whimper at the shock of it. But mostly, I'm excited to explore this new world of flavors and creativity. I'm learning to use a dehydrator, making raw almond yogurt, and buying ingredients I never even knew existed. Eating raw is like an art form.
Although at the moment, it often feels like a part-time job.
The Learning Curve
But as discouraging as it can be, I know this is just the learning curve. We went through this 11 years ago when we first went vegan (although it's been several years since we claimed that lifestyle). Actually, I guess it was closer to a raw diet, since we were striving to eat all living foods as often as possible. That's when we first swapped cow's milk for soy milk and started buying fridge-loads of vegetables that would mostly just go bad before I could use them.
I had no idea how to cook that stuff. Heck, I barely knew how to cook at all, having just gotten married six months earlier at the tender age of 19 (oh, I dare my daughter to try that one...).
But over the following months, we started to taste the cereal through the soy milk until we didn't even taste the milk at all. I started to find new and delicious ways to create vegan dishes that did not revolve around trying to copy my "regular" menu. I started to love making the food, and even began to enjoy eating it.
A learning curve - that's all.
Home-made guac with spicy eggplant chips -
fresh from the dehydrator.
So when we decided to go vegan again 12 days ago, it kind of felt like coming home to myself. After all, that's how we mostly eat at home anyway, since that's how I learned to cook. Besides, in California, there's no shortage of places that cater to that lifestyle. And I also left the door open for processed sugar - Icees were still on the menu. Not bad.
But then we went to a raw food presentation by this man, and I sat there the whole time thinking, "I could do this. I could do this!"
There were a world of excuses that kept trying to weasel their way into my mind, but it was like they were just flies buzzing around my head. Nothing ever felt like it was my own thought - I never made an emotional connection with the excuses. Instead, I just felt inspired.
That night, my husband and I stayed up late discussing the possibility of going raw. Could we? Would we? Why?
The Why
There are several reasons. For starters, my husband and I both have various health problems that we hope the raw life style will help us overcome. In addition, we both have always intended to go back to eating the way we used to all those years ago, but meat and ice cream kept changing our mind.
I can't speak for my husband, but the thing that really inspired me to take this jump is the fact that we are trying to have children. There's a much longer version of that story, but the point is that I've always known I would go back to a living diet when I had children. I can't conceive of feeding my children anything less.
And since we're trying to have children now, this seemed like the most appropriate time. Especially because I don't want to change my lifestyle while I'm pregnant because I'm nervous about whether that would cause all of my dumping toxins to go into the fetus. I don't know if it really works that way, but why take chances? My husband and I already have a few odds stacked against us when it comes to genetics. Why take the risk?
The Time Table
Raw tacos from a restaurant my husband found. Yum!
So, we set the finish line to be six months from August 21. Emotionally, that's as far as I could handle. If I was getting into this on a "forever" basis, I would probably just buckle in a couple weeks and go get lost in a candy store somewhere. (Or at Fogo de Chao!)
However, I do expect that by the time we finish this challenge, our tastes will have changed and it will be easier for us to maintain a more moderate diet of living foods. I'm not even going to start setting goals that far out, though. For now, I'm just focusing on getting to tomorrow.
Even though I'm familiar with the principles behind eating raw, I've never been 100%. Ever. Not on my best day. So now I'm having to learn, unlearn, and re-learn so many things that I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the task ahead.
My Greatest Support
I am tremendously grateful that my husband is doing this with me. Otherwise, there would be no way I could do this. The moments that I sink onto the couch in despair are the moments he steps in and makes our meals like a hero. In addition, I love to cook for him. When I would be more likely to grab a couple carrots and a handful of nuts for dinner, I am much more willing to try new things when I'm cooking for him, too.
So far, this has been fun, amazing, discouraging, challenging, motivating, and surreal. But more than anything, I am just grateful that I have made it an entire eight days.
